What to do if children lie: advice of a psychologist and 6 ways to wean a child to constantly deceive

Contents of

  • 1. Reasons for lying
    • 1.1. Fear of punishment
    • 1.2. Protest
    • 1.3. Establishing personal boundaries
    • 1.4. Problems in the family
  • 2. When do children begin to lie?
  • 3. What if the child is lying?
    • 3.1. Punishment commensurate with the misdeed of
    • 3.2. Do not dramatize
    • 3.3. Be honest

"Once I was in a children's camp at sea. I was then 12. There were absolutely unfamiliar guys with whom I could tell everything that you wanted. I was pleased to slightly embellish my life. My father was an outstanding physicist instead of an ordinary member of the Institute. Our odnushku on the outskirts of the city, I turned into a huge treshka in the center. The process of lying so captivated me that I could not stop "- this story told us Sergei, he is now 35, but she is in front of him, as if it was a week ago."This writing helped me become more confident, added to my social status, temporarily" improved "my life."

Children Sometimes a child lies not out of self-interest or fear, but because of an excess of imagination. He wants to present his life to more interesting, fabulous, meaningful

. Often lie helps solve some psychological problems of the child. Changing the world in this way, he learns to understand the inner relationships and laws. By resorting to lies, children are more likely to experience difficult moments in life, become more confident and happier.

Reasons for lying.

. All the children lie sooner or later. Some lie more often - often they are insecure children. Why do children often use lies? Most often the child lies to add "prices" in the eyes of peers and older in age or to avoid punishment. Under seemingly superficial manifestations of lies are deep internal problems, the solution of which requires a great deal of tact and a special approach from the parents. The author of several books on the psychology of children psychologist Lawrence Kutner calls the 5 main reasons that lie in the basis of lies.

Fear of punishment

Often the reason for parental punishment is overestimated expectations for children. Punishment frightens children, they try to "defend" with lies. The five-year-old is not yet able to pick up his dinner after dinner or fold his bed neatly. Then the mother asked if the kid had removed everything, he says that everything is in order, although in fact he has not done it yet. Now it is clear why overestimated demands on children are harmful - they develop in them the ability to lie. The Five-Year Plan can not yet defend its position on its own. The child lies to adapt to the conditions of life.

Increasing self-esteem is another common task for "liars".To exalt themselves in the eyes of classmates and to become on the step above the children try through deception. For a red word, children are prated to have met the other day a popular singer or famous football player. Often in their stories, liars are exaggerating about the incomes and wealth of parents. This boasting is quite common, moms and dads should not worry about it. If a child lies more and more often to add to himself the status, then it is worth discussing with him this question and find out what is the reason for such deception - perhaps, his comrades make fun of him or simply do not pay attention to him.

Protest

Too rigid an authoritarian regime in the family is another common cause of lies. When a child is 10-12 years old, he feels that he submits to the power of his parents and is forced to tell them everything, which means that his task is to start deceiving himself to isolate himself and assert himself.

Establishing personal boundaries

With age, a teenager feels the need for independence. He needs a personal space, and parents who try to climb into these personal boundaries, receive from their child lies and harboring. Especially noticeable is the desire to be alone, when a child, in response to an adult question, lies and accompanies it with rudeness and rudeness.

The teenager is lying When a child grows up, he can move away from his parents somewhat and try to delineate the boundaries of his personal life. If mom and dad will put pressure on the child, they can get the answer lies

Problems

family Regular false indicates that there are problems in the family. To aggravate lies can be theft and vandalism. If the child purposely wants to spoil things of close people, he expresses his cry for help, which speaks better than all the words. In a family on the verge of divorce, such outbursts of aggression are very often seen. Steal something from your parents or spoil the right thing - ways to connect a collapsing family, reconcile your parents for at least a short time. The child does this unconsciously, but in these actions his needs are clearly expressed.

When do children begin to lie?

  • Up to 3-5 years old

For the baby, the difference between fiction and reality is not yet obvious. Often, he imagines his fantasies as a real fact - deception is part of the development of the psyche. In this case, it's not a lie, it's just an invention. Give the baby plenty of fantasy - this is an excellent training of imagination and creativity.

  • From 6 to 12 years

Children are able to maintain at the age of 6-7 years of interior monologue, where they alter their thoughts, come up with new parts. This is the age when they subtly feel the line: what can you say about what is better to be silent, and what things can be transferred differently."How can I prevent my mother from swearing?"The child thinks.- What will help to gain praise? "School children are beginning to lie more and more often and their deception is more difficult to recognize. Sometimes they convince their friends and even adults to participate in their lies, consciously or unconsciously.

A schoolboy 8-11 years old already understands that there is an invention and what is reality, he easily maneuvers between truth and lies, conducting some kind of experiments that show his abilities in deception. If a child lies constantly, then this is a signal of serious problems.

On the causes of children's lies and how to solve this problem, refer to the video portal of our expert:

Hovhannisyan Spiridon

child psychologist
non-medical psychotherapist

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What if the child is lying?

How to react to parents on the manifestation of a little person's lies: punish him, skip over his ears or laugh at his words? We offer several professional advice of specialists:

  • Trust : any relationship, and even more so between parents and children, is inconceivable without trust. Parents must adhere to the presumption of innocence, that is, the child is not initially guilty. Do not immediately criticize his statement, first listen.
  • Laugh together : little lie may well be met with humor - this method is excellent in relation to children who are just starting to practice deception, little realizing that reality and fiction - two different things. The game form of reaction will help to smooth out an unpleasant lie. For example, the little 5-year-old Tanya said she has brushed his teeth and cleaned the paste and brush on the shelf, and my mother saw it all thrown in the sink."How did our paste and brush come to the sink? Just like their wings have grown! "Mom's funny remark will be an incentive for Tanya to go and clean everything in places.
  • Rate consequences : child just starting to lie, deserves to be explained to him in a clear and accessible way about the dangers lie. Do it alone, so as not to injure the child's psyche by humiliation. In the conversation, mention that every action or word has its own result, a response that this result can not always be positive. Such a method will help the child understand the connection between the present and the future, will wean him to deceive.
Reaction to a lie Laughter is the best therapy and the best way to approach each other. If the child lied about the little things, Mom would better wrap everything in jest, but make it clear that she noticed the lie

Punishment commensurate with the misdeed of

If you ask a 5-9-year-old baby what will happen if you tell a lie, in most cases you will hear in response that he will be punished - the main deterrent at this age. The kid is not yet aware of the consequences of his lies( friends will stop believing, the problems in school will start).If the lie was serious, then the child should definitely be punished. By reinforcing our words with actions, we will help to establish a cause-and-effect relationship for the preschooler. If we explained before that every action or word will have its consequences, but they themselves have not shown proper firmness in this matter, the child will understand that everything can be done, because there are no consequences. Punishment is commensurate with the depth of guilt. As punishments, you can choose to deprive pleasure or entertainment, but do not override the points that are important for children's health and development.

Do not dramatize

The spoken lie is not something supernatural. Everyone at least once in his life "tasted" untruthful tastes. The pathological tendency to lie, which should be disassembled and "treated" by adults, always has other additional manifestations beside you. An excited child does not aim to gain or desire to escape punishment - often such children run away from home or are instigators of conflicts in school.

Be honest

Often parents, without even noticing, teach their child lies when they contradict each other on certain issues. The lies and deceit included in everyday life will be the main scheme for building relationships with other people. How to wean a child to lie? The main rule for parents is to never lie to yourself, because you are a role model. Encourage the child for the told truth, especially if it was not so easy to do. Be sensitive and attentive, often discuss what is good and what is bad. Analyze possible solutions to the problem. Honesty and kindness are the guarantee of strong relationships between generations.

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