How to deal with aggression in a child, what should parents do: advice of a psychologist on correcting aggressive behavior

Contents of

  • 1. Reasons for aggression
    • 1.1. The influence of the microclimate in the family
    • 1.2. When is childhood aggression manifested?
  • 2. What is the expression of child aggression?
    • 2.1. Kinds of aggression
    • 2.2. Aggression and age
  • 3. How to deal with aggressive behavior of a child?
    • 3.1. Reduction of verbal aggression
  • 4. Games for aggressive children
    • 4.1. Water games
    • 4.2. Games with bulk materials
    • 4.3. Creative games
  • 5. Aggressive behavior is amenable to adjustment

Aggressive behavior in children can puzzle even experienced moms and educators. Justify it with a small age, vagaries or malaise is not always obtained. It happens that the aggression of the baby becomes the norm and he is reluctant to meet other children on the playground. To help a child cope with their emotions, adults are important to understand the causes of hostility towards the world around them.

Aggressive child So that the child can become a full-fledged part of the children's collective, it is important for parents to analyze the causes of the aggressive behavior of

. The reasons for the aggression of

. During the attacks of child aggression, close people should remain calm and self-restraint. It's important to put yourself in the baby's place and understand what it feels like. The easiest way to do this is if you ask yourself the question: "Why is my son( daughter) now so bad that he( she) wants to hurl something or smash, hit someone?"The reasons for aggressive behavior are not so many:

  • fear and anxiety in response to a sense of danger coming from the outside world;
  • asserting their rights;
  • desire to become independent and independent;
  • impossibility to satisfy some desire;
  • prohibitions of adults.

Fighting hostile behavior should not be reduced to pacifying a young rebel at any cost. First of all, he does not need punishment, but understanding, care and help. It's easier to hang a label: "uncontrollable", "naughty", but it will be wrong. It is only one correct phrase that can cool the ardor of a small aggressor. For example, "I do not like your behavior," "let's think, can you tell me what's bothering you, in another way" or "adult children do not behave like this."

Psychologists are looking for the sources of aggressive behavior in the education of the first years of life. They advise either to ignore the angry behavior, or to subject disobedient rebels to the appropriate punishment. In the first case, parents "do not notice" hostility, but actively encourage good deeds. This method is effective only in early childhood and it does lead to a gradual fading of anger.
Encouraging good deeds Compulsory promotion of good deeds is a great way to level out unwanted child aggression

Microclimate influence in the

family The home environment( parents, grandparents) is the standard by which the younger generation builds behavior.

  • Less aggressive children, whose parents did not show any indulgence towards them, nor serious punishment. Their correct position is to condemn hostility, openly talk about it with children, dispense with severe punishments in case of misconduct.
  • Conversely, children prone to corporal punishment, parents adopt from them an example of angry behavior. Sensitive to parental strictness, kids quickly learn to suppress hostile impulses in their presence. But outside the house they become nervous, choose a weak victim to the team and act out on it.
  • If punishments cause physical pain or are very frustrating, the kids can forget their cause, and not learn the rules of acceptable behavior. Under the pressure of adults, they vary greatly, but obey only when they are closely watched.

When does child aggression appear?

When a kid does not feel a sense of fear and need, he is comfortable. He quietly plays with children or fantasizes about something. Hostility toward adults, peers, the environment he has in such cases:

  • beat him, he is bullied;
  • evil jokes and fakes for the child;
  • parental drunkenness and debauches;
  • mistrust of parents;
  • is jealous of one of the family members;
  • for friends of the child is closed the entrance to the house;
  • the feeling of a child that he is not loved, ignored;
  • mistrust of parents to the child;
  • feeling of undeserved shame;
  • setting up against the child of his brothers and sisters.
Physical punishment Very often, the cause of aggression is the physical punishment of the child by the parents of

. In the education of the younger generation, it is recommended to avoid extremes. Equally badly reflected in the formation of the personality is the provision of complete freedom and hyper-care. Excessive custody of children usually leads to infantilism, inability to resist stressful situations, to communicate normally with peers. Infantile guys often become victims of aggression from other children.

What is the expression of child aggression?

Aggression in children is an emotional reaction to what is happening. It is not bad in itself, as it gives a sense of strength, it allows you to defend your interests and protect close people. Another thing is aggression - predisposition to attack, destructive actions, hostile reaction to undesirable changes. The child's aggressive behavior is expressed in the following:

  • he is sensitive, often offended;
  • accuses others of its mistakes;
  • refuses to comply with the rules;
  • goes to open conflict with children;
  • is looking for an excuse for quarrels and small skirmishes;
  • reacts to the actions and remarks of others, loses control( crying or showing hostility).
For any angry manifestation on the part of the child, pediatrician Komarovsky recommends parents show that they are stronger. In his opinion, aggression is a way to demonstrate superiority over the elders, which should not go unnoticed. The best decision Komarovsky considers a family visit to a child psychologist who will analyze the situation and conduct treatment.
Conflict of children Aggressive child does not avoid direct conflicts, but rather goes into them without a shadow of a doubt

Types of aggression

Aggression in children depends largely on temperament. Sons-sanguine learn to negotiate. Phlegmaticians and melancholics are very offended. Choleric people show anger often and in full. Psychologists distinguish such types of aggression:

  • physical( attack) - the force is used against a person, an animal, an inanimate object;
  • direct - directed against a specific subject;
  • is an instrumental tool for achieving a specific goal;
  • verbal - expression of negative feelings through cries, squeals, quarrels, abuse, threats;
  • hostile - sets the goal of causing physical or moral harm to the object of interest;
  • indirect - malicious jokes, gossip about a certain person, explosions of rage, stomping with feet, beating his fists on the table.

Whatever the reason and type of aggression, the baby gets into a vicious circle. Feeling lack of love and understanding, he repels his behavior by others, causes dislike. This reinforces his negative responses, because the child does not know how to demand attention in a different way.

The unfriendly attitude of others excites in the child a sense of fear and anger. His behavior is considered as antisocial, but in fact it is a desperate attempt to create a connection with close people. Before the manifestation of obvious aggression, the child expresses his desires in a softer form. As they go unnoticed, hostile behavior appears.

A grieving kid Severe sensitivity is also a symptom of suppressed aggression

Aggression and age

The most common manifestations of aggression occur in young children. Despair and anger can be detected already in the weeping of a baby who is denied attention. Children of 2-7 years old are easy to offend, deceive, and by their angry behavior they express a reaction to what is happening. Being manifested in infancy, aggression grows during the preschool period and gradually goes on to decline. With proper education, grown-up guys can understand the actions and feelings of others.

If parents do not respond to bursts of irritability and hostility of the offspring, this behavior becomes his habit. In this case very soon the child will not be able to behave differently, which will complicate communication with peers and the older generation. Aggressive behavior of preschool children manifests itself in different ways. Its main features are as follows:

  • in 2 years babies bite, expressing the rights to their belongings and feelings about the lack of attention from adults;
  • in 3 years, children bite, fight, throw each other things and toys;
  • in a 4-year-old child, aggression weakens after a crisis of three years, but when invading his territory in the garden and on the site, he attacks first;
  • grown-up 5-year-old boys continue to express aggression in physical form, and girls come up with insulting nicknames and ignore friendship;
  • 6-7-year-olds are familiar with a sense of revenge, can express fear and resentment.

For the prevention of aggression it is important to create an atmosphere of warmth, caring, mutual support in the house. Confidence in parental love and protection helps the child grow up and become a successful person. The more self-confident he becomes, the less selfishness remains in him, the less likely he will be visited by negative emotions. The requirements of adults regarding their heirs should be reasonable and children should understand what is expected of them.

Microclimate in the family If the atmosphere of warmth and mutual support reigns in a family, children are unlikely to manifest aggressively

How to deal with aggressive behavior of a child?

Attention to the son or daughter - the first step on the road in the fight against aggression. Parents know their child well and can often prevent sudden outbursts of anger. With regard to physical aggression, this is easier to do than with respect to the verbal. When the child pouted his lips, narrowed his eyes, or expressed his boiling emotions in a different way, he should be distracted from the negative by shouting, interesting work, holding on to his shoulders or taking his hand away.

If an aggressive impulse is not prevented, it is important to explain to the child that his behavior is ugly and unacceptable. The offender should be severely condemned and forced to remove the damage caused, and the object of enmity is surrounded by attention and care. Then the aggressive child will understand how he loses from his behavior and will be more attentive to the advice of elders.

Initially, the child will reject adult remarks, refuse to clean up and admit guilt. Sooner or later, the phrase "if you're big enough to take care of everything, then you can take it away too." It will be understood by them. Cleaning itself is not a punishment. The argument that a "big" boy should be responsible for actions will have a greater impact on the child. After harvesting it is important to thank the little helper.


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Reduction of verbal aggression

Verbal( verbal) aggression is difficult to prevent and it will be necessary to react after offensive phrases are said by the child. It is desirable to analyze them and try to understand the experiences of the offspring. Perhaps he does not know how to express emotions differently or wants to experience superiority over adults. When a hostile and nervous child offends other children, adults should tell them how to fight back worthily.

Most of the aggressive behavior in adolescence occurs as a result of emotionally stressful situations. Guys derives an imperative tone, a demonstration of strength and power, phrases like "the teacher is always right," "do as you are told."In situations where parents require complete submission or instruction, they often behave in a hostile manner.

Adult work consists not in demonstrating superiority, but in reducing hostility and preventing conflicts. The best way is to establish feedback with the help of psychological techniques. It is desirable to uncover the motives of aggression( "do you seek to offend me?"), Express your attitude to what is happening( "I do not deserve you to talk to me like that").Establishing an emotional connection, it is important to show interest, firmness and goodwill, to disassemble specific actions, and not the person as a whole.

Emotional and critical comments from adults will cause even greater protest and irritation. When dealing with a teenager, one should not read moral teachings. It is important to notify him about the negative consequences of actions, to discuss ways of getting out of the situation.

An example of constructive behavior - the ability to listen and understand the opponent, let him express his opinion, will be useful to the child. Communicate and give him advice preferably not on the move, but in a relaxed confidential environment. It is important for adults to demonstrate a trusting attitude to the problems of their son or daughter, to recognize children's feelings( "... I understand how offensive you are").It is not out of place that there will be pauses that will help calm down, and a sense of humor.

Conversation with the child Discussing the topic of aggression with a child, you do not need to go over to individuals - they only talk about actions or manifestations.

. Games for aggressive children.

. To reduce the child's unmotivated aggressiveness will allow activities on which he can understand that there are other ways to attract attention and display strength. To seem older and older, he does not need to assert himself at the expense of the weak, but dissatisfaction with anything to express in bad words. Psychologists recommend to children such ways of splashing out negative emotions:

  • tear pieces of paper that are always in your pocket;
  • loudly scream into the "scream bag";
  • to run and jump in the stadium, playground, in the sports section;
  • periodically knock out rugs and pillows( useful for fighters);
  • beat the punching bag;
  • pronouncing their feelings( "I'm upset", "I'm angry"), as adults teach.

Water games

Contemplation of reservoirs, watching the life of the inhabitants of aquariums will calm even the most desperate rebel. Recommended cognitive and active games with water:

  1. After the rain run around in puddles. The main thing that the child was healthy and put on waterproof shoes.
  2. Transfusion of liquid from one container to another. The lesson will allow you to concentrate and cool the angry fervor.
  3. Throw stones in any pond. At this time it is important to be close, to monitor the safety of game maneuvers.
  4. Children's fishing, which can be arranged in a basin or bath. It is enough to buy a set of fish on magnets and a fishing rod.
  5. Swimming, visiting the swimming pool or water park. These pleasures depend on the material possibilities of adults, but they help a small aggressor get a positive charge and throw out energy.
  6. In the summer - yard games with a water pistol. They will allow you to be active and refreshed in the summer heat.
  7. Arrange waves in the bathroom while bathing. To water does not splash on the floor, you should use curtains and pour half the bath.
  8. The device is a mini-pool in the yard in the summer. Guys can throw toys at him, blow off boats, splash each other in the face. It is important to closely monitor security during the games.
Child in the pool Water element perfectly reduces anxiety and aggression, helps the child get rid of excess energy.

. Games with bulk materials.

. Sand and cereal games form assiduity and help fight internal stress. Materials can be crushed, crumpled, thrown, watching the result. The loose attributes of the game obediently take any form and withstand a gross human impact. With their help, children splash out feelings and do not worry about the result. Common games with sand:

  • sieving through a sieve or mill with a sieve;
  • instillation into the sand of figurines;
  • work on the construction of locks;
  • laying out images from colored sand.

Creative Games

After an angry outburst( expressed in physical or emotional form), you should wait until the child calms down. Not giving assessments of behavior, you need to ask him to write down or draw his anger and feelings of "victim", which he struck or insulted. It's important not to be embarrassed by emotions, and to describe everything as it was( "I wanted to hit him," "everything was boiling inside me").

After analyzing these records and putting themselves in the place of another person, the child will gradually learn to control behavior, will listen to the feelings of people. Drawing aggression, kids often use black, purple, burgundy color. Analyzing the picture with the child, you can ask him to add details, make the drawing fun. For example, draw good people, a rainbow, a bright salute, a star. The reception will teach the little aggressor how you can manage your feelings.

Girl drawing By offering the child to express their feelings through creativity, one can understand the root of the problem and rethink it together

Aggressive behavior is amenable to adjustment of

It is important for parents and educators to show an aggressive child how to accurately assess their emotional state and react in time to the signals that the body gives. Correctly deciphering his messages, the child will be able to control his emotions and prevent conflicts. In the education of aggressive children, the work of parents and teachers is conducted in three directions:

  1. consultations and training of problem children constructive behavior, acceptable ways of expressing anger;
  2. help in mastering a technique that allows you to control yourself during outbursts of anger;
  3. formation of the ability to empathy and empathy.

Correction of behavior will lead to a positive result only if you work with the child regularly. Inconsistent and inattentive attitude to children's problems can only worsen the situation. Patience, understanding, regular training of communication skills with others - that will help parents to remove the aggressiveness of their son or daughter.


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