The content of the article
- 1 The child is cheating: possible causes
- 1.1 False as a signal about problems
- 1.2 Child is afraid of
- 1.3 Bad example of older
- 1.4 To save or revenge
- 2 Age of lies: children's and adolescent
- 3 4 councils how to deal with children's lies
To understand when a child is telling a lie is usually quite simple. Only by the age of seven or eight years children( and even then not all) become excellent actors, but even then they unconsciously show lies. The child does not look into your eyes, sometimes his hand reaches for his mouth or touches his face, he coughs or tugs his ear. Another characteristic gesture - hides his hands in his pockets or pawns behind his back. Of course, attentive parents will notice not only these, but also other manifestations of uncharacteristic behavior.
Immediately punish? Too simple and also not always fair. Give up emotions. Decisions about the
The child is cheating: possible reasons for
We all know very well: sometimes, in order to make life easier and avoid all kinds of troubles, one must lie. This, if you will, is one of the manifestations of the instinct of self-preservation. Lying is a means by which you can protect yourself, especially if there are only bans around. From it you can get some benefit, worthy to get out of unfavorable situations, to stop contacting unwanted persons. And you can use it to attack someone. So what is a lie - maybe a stereotype of behavior that we simply take from our environment?
Lying as a signal about
problems No one is born a liar, it is not a character inherent in nature. Think about why children lie: thus they can give us a signal that everything is not right in their life. Do not rush to punish yourself for not instilling the offspring of moral values, not taught to respect the elders. The reason may be not at all that he does not respect you or do not like you. There are a lot of motives. And here are just some of them.
- "Soil probing" .A son or daughter seeks to understand how you will react to deception.
- Self protection .The child wants to escape punishment for unsightly acts, ridicule or "general shame".
- Desire to impress, attract attention, evoke the emotions of .In the course everything goes: from "my uncle is a celebrity" to "my dad insults me all the time."
- Manipulation of the .A child can tell one adult that another allows him to do something, although in fact it is forbidden.
- The Fantasy of .The least harmless and disinterested kind of deception, game, fun - more than that, useful for development.
So, the more "dangers", prohibitions, the more ashamed to tell the truth - the more you need to come up with tricks. These are quite natural causes of childish lies.
Sometimes lies can be justified. But if lies are meant to cause harm to someone, if it is a sneer, intrigues, the essence of which the child himself understands - this can and must be fought. But only not arranging interrogations and not "knocking out" the truth. If the son or daughter really did not want to cause harm to someone, you need to understand what exactly prevents their frankness with close people.
The child is afraid of
The most common reason why a child is lying is fear. Children are afraid that they will be punished, they will be lowered. They are capable to excruciatingly excruciating even because of such things which seem to us as trifles. They are afraid to disappoint or disappoint, or even become rejected, unloved. Is it because parents threaten: "You will do this - I will not love you anymore!"?And this means that mutual understanding has been violated.
Perhaps a child or teenager is condemned in cases where they would like support and love. Perhaps, even for a small fault they are seriously punished. Maybe they just want to be sure that they are not indifferent to their family. If the sense of security and trust is undermined, you will find that the child is constantly lying. At the same time, he often does not think about the consequences, and lies are absolutely natural for him.
Bad example of senior
Seeing in what strained relations relatives, the child willy-nilly is between two fires, as communicates with both, and with others, he loves them all, but realizes that they are too unhappy with communication with each other. Naturally, he begins to "assent" to the opinion of the party on which he is currently located. Because it is important for him not to become an object of hatred, and he just adapts.
If you think it's right sometimes to cheat on children( while they clearly understand that you are not telling the truth) - do not be surprised why the children lie. They imitate the adults and sincerely believe that lying is not at all something to do something out of the ordinary.
To save or revenge
Even in fairy tales, villains can be given a different path so that they do not overtake the fleeing heroes. Children are quite capable of "lying to rescue", and from a very early age( from about four years).And if they write not just to shield themselves or someone, but really want to protect someone - it's hardly possible to blame them for it. It's another matter whether those who are trying to protect are worthy of such actions.
It happens that a child is lying because he thinks he is not loved. Lies become a kind of revenge for "lost" love. In addition, if children feel rejected, unwanted, they can try to attract attention and somehow stand out among the others, even if they receive a negative response from their parents in response, up to severe punishment. This will be repeated again and again. This is reminiscent of masochism, but some children really get attention at least this way.
Age of lies: children's and adolescent
Initially, the kids do what they want or like, without thinking about how right it is. The case of adults is correctly explained when actions are not correlated with the norm, and why. Rape and scandals can only be achieved if a child begins to lie at an unexpectedly early age. This whole complex story begins with the usual attempt to hide bad deeds, so as not to be punished.
Already at the age of 5, the children have a well developed "internal monologue", they can modify their thoughts, while doing good writing of details. They already imagine that one can talk about what it is worth keeping silent about, and what should be told in a completely different way."What can I do to avoid being bullied?- reflects the baby."And what should I say to be praised?" Children begin to lie much more often, and it is more difficult to get them out into clean water, especially since children can influence their peers or adults who are well-disposed towards them - they will voluntarily or involuntarily take partIn deception.
At school age( 7 years +), the children are even more convincingly lying. Psychologists attribute this to the increase in vocabulary and the development of the brain as a whole. In addition, one should not underestimate children's insight: the child is already clear how people think and what other people are guided by. Lies become sophisticated. By the age of eight or nine, your child can be deceived so that it is sometimes impossible to expose him. Telling all sorts of stories to family, friends, classmates, the child not only feels like a hero - he increasingly believes in what he says. This creates an alternative reality that can be controlled - in contrast to some threatening, incomprehensible external circumstances.
At the age of 10, the young dreamer realizes that adults make too high demands on him, "make out of a fly of an elephant" and periodically humiliate him( including others) with moralizations and notations. Already at this time the child is not so much afraid of punishment as he wants to escape from the obsessive control, show his independence or defend himself. At the same time, deep in his heart, he continues to seek recognition and support. He knows that if parents notice his lies, then he is not indifferent to them.
At this age, children are often given "high hopes".The fear of disappointing close people, the belief that the future depends on behavior and assessments - that's what pushes "sample" schoolchildren to lie. Realizing that they do not meet expectations, they protect themselves from an excessive burden of responsibility.
The teenager wants more freedom, a kind of autonomy. He again creates for himself another reality that he can control, his private life. Not always at this age a lie is something monstrous - forming a personal space, a boy or girl wants to let only "the chosen ones" into it, and this is a sign of growing up.
Child steals and lies - again keep negative emotions to yourself. Stay alone with your child. Give a negative assessment of his actions, but at the same time remind that you are not going to fight with a person whom you love very much. Outline the consequences, tell how the one who has lost a thing or money, how his plans are destroyed, can be upset. Disassemble the situation in more detail, encourage the child to tell: he must see that they want to listen to him. If the theft and the lies are repeated - be patient. None of us is perfect. Talk again and explain that the welfare of a loved one is very important to you. Ask how you can fix it. And if he obviously waits for punishment - just forgive.
If you encounter similar problems, think about the child:
- does not feel that it is something that is deprived;
- whether you and other family members are paying enough attention to it;
- are you considered with his opinion and interests;
- you are not too controlling it( so that he wants to protect himself from obsession);
- do you fulfill these promises.
Remember: the habits of youth will only develop and improve over the years, and an adult will rather try to dodge rather than stand on one's own.
4 tips on how to deal with a child's lies
Here are the tips of psychologists about how to teach a child honesty. Be prepared for the fact that you will have to hear from him the truth about your relationship. Encourage talking about your feelings in general and about you in particular, and, of course, the impressions should not be only positive. Otherwise, the desire to hide their emotions is again untrue. Do not form this vicious circle.
- Be a fair realist and provide this opportunity and the child .Instead of making a scandal, calmly tell them that you know the truth, but that you are worried and wondering how you can help. Sincerely tell the child that you love him, and he does not need to try to invent something that was not to deserve a good attitude. Lying is a request for support and love, not punishment. And in general, it is impossible to reduce all communication with children only to some rules of obedience, thus making them "convenient" for oneself.
- Say: "I know that you lied because you did not want to upset me" .Or: "I see that you are inadvertently, you did not want to."And continue: "But you'd better tell the truth, because I'm very upset because of the lies."Thus, you show that you understand the motive behind the lie, and this must be expressed out loud so that the child correctly understands what is happening and your adequate reaction.
- The importance of being honest is to be shown on a personal example .Remember that children do not just repeat after you and learn behavior patterns - they want to be like you. Prove that there is nothing shameful in confessing to the deed. Always praise for honesty, say that trust, respect above all and lose it - is very bad.
- Does the child show off, invent stories? Spend more time with him, pay more attention. When talking about his behavior, do not go to the person. And do not hang labels like "liar", "deceiver".After all, "bad" is not the person himself, his deed is bad.
It is important to create an atmosphere in which no one will want to cheat. Is not it wonderful when everyone can trust each other with a secret, any actions can be discussed and count on help! The most serious misdeeds necessarily have a background that can not be seen unless you try to talk. Talk about yourself - how you handle unpleasant situations yourself, meet with defeats, problems, how to correct your mistakes. Be interested in children's lives. If you had to lie to the children - be sure to explain why you did it, what guided it.
In other words - be honest yourself, and you do not have to think about how to disaccustom the child to lie. Encourage truth, especially when it is very difficult to say. Treat everything with understanding, explain what is bad and what is good. Think about what you need to change to solve the problem. This is the guarantee of a kind, full trust relationship between you and the child - both in the present and in the future!